R.I.H. Sharon Rosette Buckner

…Well people have been asking me daily since my mother passed how I’m doing & how my fam is doing… But it doesn’t seem real that she’s gone yet… Almost like a bad dream that I’m living in… I feel like a huge part of me is missing… It’s hard to even explain how much I miss her… Everytime I come home & see her car in the garage, or when I drive past St. Vincent or the hospice, it takes me back to those visions of her in pain at the hospital & in hospice… I wish there was some way to get rid of this visions but I’m sure they’ll never go away  and this is just something, I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life…

For those who don’t know what she died from well here it is…

Last December, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, we were told that this particular cancer was very curable and was in no means a terminal cancer… She then went into chemo & radiation to cure her of this… Months go by of chemo & radiation and things seemed to be looking up & she was cured of the cancer….. So then I go off to school in San Fran, thinking that all is well… & some symptoms started to re-occur…  come to find out that the cancer reappeared and was starting to spread throughout her stomach area… I wasn’t made aware of this until I returned back home, but inside before I even knew I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t going right at home… I could never tell by talking to her on the phone, bcuz she hid it so well that they was no well I could tell…

When I returned home… my dad told me that the cancer had returned & that she’ll be going through treatments all over again… Come September, she had little or no energy, and couldn’t hold any food down; only to be fed soft foods & by TPN (through tubes)… As things got worse, she checked into the hospital and ended up staying there for almost 4 weeks… As things continued to progressively get worse my father once called my brother & I into his room to tell us that the doctors said she had 30 days to live… At this point I didn’t really know what to think or expect. Once I found out, I started to shut people out really not talking to anyone at all. Rarely speaking to even family members only headnods, etc.. A few days later we were then told that she only had a few days left & that she was moved into a hospice… I had no idea what a hospice was & I couldn’t seem to grasp why all this was happening so fast, but I couldn’t bare to see her struggle any longer either… SN: A hospice is a place that they send patients who are in their last days of living to make them feel comfortable so that they might pass in peace… Seeing her try to get up & reach for our help, knowing that there was nothing we could do to help her is probably the worst thing that anybody can witness.. Those images are still haunting me & probably will forever… At this point she was barely responsive & unaware of her surrounds; and she faded in & out often… The night before she passed, I was fortunate enough to catch her in a moment where she was responsive… I told her that I loved her & she responded “I love you too Sean”…. She passed away the next morning October 3, 2009 at 6:10 AM while holding my father’s hand….

Not to many people get to actually tell the person that they love them before they die & I was fortunate enough to do so, which brings me somewhat peace to the situation…

 This whole period has been a difficult period, but it has opened my eyes & given me a sense of drive that I’ve never had before. A few months prior, we talked about what people can do to help others who are battling cancer, and to further research the origin of cancer inside a person, what things people can do to prevent it, is it genetic?, etc, etc… I then presented to her the idea that I had to start a foundation in her name called the “Sharon Rosette Foundation” to serve this purpose… I cannot speak on all the details of this foundation due to legal reasons, but I hope to reveal everything by the top of 2010. Just know that this foundation will be on the forefront of raising capital  for cancer & awareness to help #beatcancer …

Her homegoing celebration was on October 10, 2009 & 500 + people came to show & express their love & sympathies… It was a very beautiful service… People I haven’t heard from in years even reached out… But in times like this you REALLY see who your real friends are in life….

This is probably the first time, I’ve ever spoke about my mother’s passing in its entirety but I feel that now was the perfect time.. People are still sending their condolensces, flowers, FOOD, etc. and myself, my bro & pops are highly appreciative of all that!

This period has has allowed me to really find myself & to block out all the bullshit that’s been going on & really to focus on myself for once. I feel that God has given me  the opportunity to start over in a sense  and I cant take life for granted any longer … I can promise you that I will have big things coming soon & that I will be successful in life… 2010 is MY year

You never know when someone is gonna go, so I encourage everyone to tell the people that you love the most that you love them as often as you can & to never let petty or small things get in the way because life is to short.

I will always love you mom, until we meet again…

*SJB*

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    • Anonymous
    • October 28th, 2009

    It’s hard to even utter a word after reading such thoughts. This is so touching and inspiring. Even tho I have never lost anyone so close, by reading your true feelings, I almost, I said ALMOST, felt what u feel. And u know what? Words that have THAT kind of power and meaning should be shared. I don’t know the right words to say or if there should be any said at all to express my sympathy. Ppl often tell u ” Sorry for your loss” or ” I know how u feel but it will get better”. But truth is this: No, it probably won’t get better. It may just get easier not to cry so often. No, everyone won’t be there for u like they say. But Jesus will and so will the ppl that matter. I could write a book as a response but I’m not. So I will leave u with this: Mrs. Buckner is in a place free of hurt, struggle, suffering, illness and chaos. She is where we are trying to get to! I just hope to make it as well. Not seeing her may be difficult for u, but loving her will always be the same. God Bless u, Sweetie. __Terah

    Ecclesiastes 3:1-8__ “There is a time for Everything”

    • Arianne Belll
    • October 22nd, 2009

    You are so amazing Seanny and you are taking it all so well. It’s people like you that go through things like this that give me an extra boost to get it together. I couldnt imagine being in your shoes. But what I do know is that God has something speacial for you that no one else can even come close to. Im excited to see the greatness you are about to walk into. Your mom had THE BEST home going i have ever been to in my life and I know she raised you right and i know she is beyond proud of you! Seanny Seanny Seanny…O WHAT GOD HAS INSTORE FOR YOU!!!!! I LOVE YOU KIDDO!

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